Okay, I know this is un-American, and probably just anti-fun, but I hate fireworks. Let me clarify. I hate fireworks in the hands of ordinary people. In the US, the 4th of July traditional fireworks last about 2 weeks, starting in late June, and going until the budget of every idiot that hasn’t lost all their fingers is blown. Everything from sparkler’s to 1/4 sticks of TNT goes up in smoke. All day, and all night. It doesn’t matter whether it’s bright and sunny, there are fireworks being set off.

In Washington State, there are 2 types of fireworks: legal, and illegal. Technically, it is illegal to buy, possess, or shoot off anything the goes up or goes boom. What’s left are sparklers and whizz bangs. But yet, every night, things go up, and go boom.

How is this possible, you ask? Thank the goddamm ‘First Nations’. i.e. the Native Americans, who can pretty much do what they want, and sell what they want because American state laws don’t apply to them. So they set up shop on their reservations, next to their casinos, and sell every Tom, Dick and Harry enough explosive power to take out the Russians. Their shop fronts are nothing but plywood counters painted with catchy slogans like ‘Il-Eagle Fireworks’, or ‘Smokin John’s Hole in the Ground’. When the sales are done, they leave the ground covered with cardboard, plastic and beer bottles, and wait for the city to come in and clean it up. Obviously they’re the stewards of the land, just like their ancestors. What a crock of shit.

So the locals drive out to the reservations, load up their SUV’s with things that go boom, set them up on the streets in front of their house and hand a lighter to their kids. The police watch and say ooh, and ahh, and doing nothing until someone gets hurt. Last year, an entire elementary school in Kent, WA burnt to the ground while a crowd of onlookers cheered for the show.

Why does all of this piss me off so much?

1. Last year, after the 4th, I found a spent 18inch rocket on the roof of my house. No the chance that this could have set my house on fire is small, but I’m sure that’s what the people in Kent thought about the ones they were aiming at the school.

2. This year, before dusk, I found another 18inch rocket in my driveway. Not sure where this came from, since my driveway is in the back of my house, and to get there, the rocket would have had to fly all the way over either my house or the house behind mine.

3. I now have 2 kids in the house who go to bed around 8:00 PM. So far, we’ve had one very cranky wakeup, which probably isn’t the last for the night. Both Reece and Lorelai have been pretty sick the last 24 hours, with rashes that cover their entire bodies, and a few bouts of puking, usually projectile vomit onto either Lisa or the carpet. Needless to say, with the fireworks, and the sick babies, the last few nights have not included pleasant dreams.

Anyway, I’m hoping that people start wrapping it up pretty soon so I can get some sleep. It’s just amazing how normally really nice people can become such idiots because of tradition. Damn Paul Revere and the freakin horse he rode in on.

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